Well, Happy new year folks.
Obviously, my year didn't start off with a good note. Health wise, but I will say, God is showing me that through trials in life, you can find happiness in the darkest of hours.
What I have figured out so far in the "Journey".
The person I used to be is gone and I have to say, I'm not mad about it.
I realized just how much of an OCD Control freak I was. I stressed and worried about so many sensless things that I now look back and wonder. Geez, what did my husband see in me.
Going through this I have grown to learn that
Time is precious, learning that you have a time clock (always have) and that your mortality is staring you in the face, changes how to see the world, people and what is important to you.
There really is no need to stress over the little stuff (My view of what the "little stuff" has changed drastically). For example, hair and makeup having to be perfect before running to the grocery store: NOPE. Wearing something cute that looks great (doesn't necessarily feel great) to wear. NOPE My house being immaculately cleaned, everything in it's place etc.. NOPE no longer important.
Nothing in this life is worth risking your health over. I used to not feel good, I mean feel pretty bad at times (when I thought I had some kind of Chronic illness - Didn't know it was cancer). People would say, Hey, you want to go this weekend to the Fall Festival. I would go, just because I didn't want to dissapoint anyone. I would be in pain and misserable the entire time just so others would be happier. NOPE Not anymore. Is it selfish? Well. YES, but in a good way. If we are not taking care of ourselves, WHO WILL?
A lot of people in your life will "not show up" for you. Not because they don't want to but because they have no clue how to handle the news, how to help you. The word "Cancer" scared the crap out of them and now They are going through some emotional trial of their own, so no, they can't show up for you. It's okay. And, Yeah, there are people that just really don't care. (I've had a few people like that in my life) It blows you away to see someone you thought loved you, completely turn on you. God shuts doors and gets people out of your life, to Open a new door and allow the people HE wants in your life to be there. It's okay.
Let go. Let go of it all. Let go of all the expectations you have about what kind of person you should be, how you should act, how you should look. LET IT GO. Nothing in your life will ever be the same, your diagnosis is a LIFE change now. You are becoming a different person.
Choose to love yourself first and foremost, be okay with who you are right now and try very hard to look forward to tomorrow.
It's not just OK, but it is imperative, to ask for help when you need it. NO you are not a cherity case, yes you deserve to be loved by those that want to love you and help you.
Cancer happened TO you. You didn't do anything to deserve it, so get on that "Forgive yourself" part of the healing. God doesn't work that way, he isn't punishing you. There is no Rhyme or reason to why you are going through this. What you have control over, the only thing that YOU have control over now, is how you deal with your new "journey". YOU are the only one that can make this a learning experience, a growing experience.
Go up and click on January 5th to read up on what came next.