Sep 2 2026

This post is NOT about my cancer journey itself, but what I have experienced While going through my healing journey.

Healing doesn't just mean physical, it's mental / emotional as well.  I learned this month that it doesn't matter what you personally are going through. LIFE still happens and you could have a lot more on your plate than you banked for.

The past two weeks have been grueling, stressful, tiring and exhaustive.

Every other day myself and my siblings have been taking turns helping our step-father out with taking care of our mom.

In the last 3 months our mom was taken to the Er 4 times. Twice because (first) she broke her right hip and had to have a comple full hip replacement, (2nd) she broke her left hip and just had repairs done to it. However, after her second hip surgery she declined in health very quickly.

For the last few months mom complained of her stomach hurting her, so much that her appitite left her, she was in tears all of the time.  She was taken to doctor after docton only to be told she had Alpha-Gal (Just like me). but no explanation was given, no instructions were given and neither of them were in a mental status to handle what this meant (meal wise) in order for her to get some pain relief. her Diet wasn't changed enough for her to not be in pain.  But it just didn't make sense as to why she was in so much pain, plus, she didn't really have typical Alpha-Gal symptoms.

Mom was misdiagnosed for sure.

3 weeks ago she was back in the ER. astonishingly horrible stomach pains and she was more confused and out-of-it than usual. She hadn't been eating more than just a couple bites of food or a spoon or two of soup a couple times a day. She was wasting away.

The ER doctor treated her horribly. She was ignored and painted as a "combative" patient. WELL, DUH. She has dimensia dumn asses... She, at times, was a child in her mind and was terrified to be there. She didn't understand that she was sick.

eventually they told us she had AFIB, heart disease, her heart rate would stay very high, it caused anxiety with her (which is why she kept getting up from her chair quickly to stand up and walk and ending in her falling and breaking her hip). She had ostioperosis, which lead to the bones breaking quickly. She was also diagnosed with two veins that ran directly to her stomach were nearly completely blocked. They tried to get to in to have a surgery but couldn't get her heart in good enough shape for the surgery. Sent her home (because she was very insistant and they deamed her of "sound mind" to make these decisions herself.  She begged us to let her die, let her go home and die.  My step father abided her wishes. They went home.

Mom was increasingly in MORE pain and getting harder to keep her calm. My step-father worked around the clock to keep her happy but the pain overtook her so often. He rarely slept, rarely ate, he was on 24/7 care for mom. One of our brothers lived next door and helped as often as he could.

Last week: The pain became too much for mom to handle, but becasue the doctors refused to write down that she had dimentia, hospice care wouldn't even consider her for help.  A home health nurse (for physical therapy on her hips) came out to visit mom and was astonished at moms mental and physical health. She begged us to get her to the ER because that wa the only way we could get her into Hospice care. All us kids (3 of the 5) along with our step-dad decided to put her back in the hospital. So we spent the next 30 hours at the ER and ICU while Doctors went through their entire work up "AGAIN", re-diagnosed her with what we already knew. It took them 4 days to realize, she was not mentally capapble of making decisions for herself and we FINALLY got her the help she needed.  They tried to get her heart to function well enough to put the stint into her stomach (the blood vessels) but they never could. Instead, mom's started to leave us. She was sleeping more than awake.  After 7 days in the hospital (now in her own room), they FINALLY came in and told us all that she is at End-Of-Life, she wasn't going to wake up again, all they could do was give her pain meds and keep her comfortable. Mom was breathing on her own, just not awake and now no longer in pain. The meds kept her asleep. This was August  27th, (my Chemo/cancer check up day). My husband and I stopped at the hospital on our way back from my appointment. We stayed with her and my step-dad until quite late that day. They said they were getting hospice set up for her, to go to a nursing home. We all agreed, that is NOT what she wanted. We want her home, and hospice to come to her home to help her while she passes.  They agreed. It took a lot of phone calls (my Big sis Judy was amazing) and a lot of back and forth but we got her home on the 29th. We were all there at her house waiting for the ambulance to bring her home, (before that waiting for Hospice to bring the bed and equipment).   They delivered mom, got her all set up in her bed and we all broke down.  You don't know how long you once you are at this point. We decided to (us kids) decide on which days we were going to come help out and sit with mom, do what we can to help our step-dad. 

I went home (the night of her delivery), exhausted and emotional. Ended up having to stay home the next day to recover.  Monday the 31st my husband and I went to visit and stayed nearly all day.  Watching mom, helping our dad and just reminiscing with random family members that would stop by.  My sister Judy came this day and wasn't planning on coming back until wednesday. Tuesday was supposed to be her re-charge day while our brother took his turn. And I hadn't planned on coming until wednesday myself. 

September 1st, tuesday.  My sister Judy called me and said she was worried for our step dad, the hospice nurse had come and said that we were in the final hours (that afternoon), my dad was a mess, he wasn't ready my brother wasn't ready. They were all a mess.  I had planned on just calling him, but my gut told me that wasn't enough. We ended up heading out around 5:30 pm, we stopped to eat a quick dinner and go out to my parents house to check on my dad again and just be there. My eldest sister Monnette came as well. Mom's breathing had became more labored but more frequent, she was now gurgling. Mom is stubborn, she refuses to do what's best for herself.  Around 8pm my husband and I decided we needed to go home and get some rest and planned on coming back Wednesday morning (the 2nd) early. As a leaned down to kiss my mom on the forehead, I brushed her hair away from her face and wispered to her: Mommy, all your babies have come to see you, we all love you. We want you to not be in pain anymore. Mom, it's okay. You can go home to be with Jesus now. We promise we will take care of dad and each other. It's okay. Go home.

My husband and I went home.  (My eldest sister left shortly after that).  It took me forever (3 hours) to fall asleep. I had only had a just about an hour of sleep when my phone rang. It was 1 am. It my sister Judy.  "Mom's gone, She passed at 12.06 am. we need to get over there".  So, we all gathered up and went over. Everything went so quickly. Most of us were there all morning for our dad. we all gave mom a kiss and said goodbye.  We helped our dad decide what to do. The hospice nurse came to call it "her time of death" around 3 am. We tried to wait until the last of the children arrived before calling the Coroner / funeral home. She never showed, and the nurse urged us to get the body to the funeral home as time can not be wasted. Mom's wishes were to be cremated immediately, no embalming. So we had no time to waste.  We got the funeral home there by 6 am and set the visitation for 11 am.

It was quiet, family only visitation.   My Neice (my sister Judy's daughter) wrote the Eulegy, and my Neice (brother Ted's daughter) read it to the viewing.

In Loving Memory of Rita Ainley

Rita Ainley, 82, passed away on September 2, 2026. She was a loving and devoted wife to Henry and a cherished mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and sister. Her family was her greatest joy.

Rita is survived by her husband, Henry of 55 years; her five children, Judy and her husband, Tony; Gene and his wife, Ronda; Rachel and her husband, Travis; Teddy; and Monette; seven grandchildren; many great-grandchildren; and her nieces and nephews.

Rita lived her life as a seamstress and was known for her hardworking and caring nature. 

She loved to cook and treasured spending time with her family. Saturday night card games brought everyone together for laughter, stories, and memories they will always cherish.

She was preceded in death by her parents, Dora and Bill Custer; her siblings, Ronnie Goshorn, Judy Hall, Richard Goshorn, and Rachel Brunner , her grandson Dustin, granddaughter Valerie and grandson, Harley.

Rita leaves behind a legacy of love that will live on through her family and the generations to come.

 She will be remembered for her kindness, her laughter, her love of family, and all the memories she created with those she loved.

Deeply loved

forever cherished,

and never forgotten.

It's hard to accept at this moment, that we are never going to have another Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas morning, birthdays, Mother's day with her.

The Holidays will never be the same.

Today I get ready as all us kids are planning on having a BBQ (celebration of life) for our dad today.

I baked a loaf of bread for my dad as well as his favorite Pumpkin pie.  It was hard. Hard to think that MOM won't be sitting there giving me shit about my hair (lol, she often forgot I had cancer and Chemo made my hair fall out. She would ask me why I cut my hair so short.  It was ok, I didn't mind. I knew her memory was gone.  I would just laugh it off and tell her "Mommy, remember, I was sick and my hair fell out, but look, it's growing back now.)  I really miss her.  The good, the bad and ugly, but especially the sound of her voice.