The Unfiltered Truth About Anxiety, Hormone Imbalance, 

and Surviving Cancer Menopause

    The cold breeze from the living room air conditioner hitting my damp neck. That was twenty minutes ago, right before I snapped at my very patient Hubby for absolutely nothing. Then I sat right down on the floor and cried my eyes out. Because even with a good man, you worry a husband's patience can only stretch so far. This constant anxiety, hormone imbalance, and surgical rage feels like a heavy fog that just won't lift.

    He assures me it won't drive him away. Sickness and health, right? But for us cancer survivors, this "sickness" doesn't just pack up and leave when the blood tests say clear. My Stage 2b High-Grade Serous Carcinoma left me with permanent side effects. The biggest one? Instant, slammed-into-a-wall menopause. The hush-hush thing our grandmothers never warned us about. Thanks for the heads up, Dora... a little warning from my maternal grandma would have been nice. "Oh, that's too personal, honey." Right. Thanks a lot, Dora. And Mom? I remember watching her go through it. I had no idea what was going on and neither did she. So How could she warn me if she didn't know "anything" was going on or wrong..

    Before they finally found the tumors—after cancer raided my body in secret for probably eight long years—I thought I was just dealing with natural aging. I had a partial hysterectomy back at 40, keeping my ovaries so I wouldn't hit early menopause. Little did I know. Turns out, ovarian cancer and menopause share the exact same symptoms. When the surgeon (My Loving "Been there herself" Oncologis: Molly Greenwade) pulled out those tumors along with my ovaries, my body went into full-blown crazy lady mode. And because estrogen can feed this specific disease, I can't take hormone replacement. Nope. I have to take hormone blockers that make the mood swings, chemo brain, and scanxiety ten times worse. Without those blockers, any stray hormone could wake up a cell and send it setting up shop in my liver or stomach.

    So my fear of this deep anxiety, hormone imbalance, and emotional roller coaster wrecking my marriage is very real. It causes us to argue sometimes. Not often, thank God, but it happens. My Hubby gets his feelings out, his patience returns, and we reset. He's learning to handle this brand new life right alongside my wiped out self. We are both like toddlers learning how to walk again.

    My best advice? Talk to each other. Use "I feel" statements. Be concise. And for heaven sakes, follow your words with real effort. If you promise to do better, actually DO BETTER. Showing consistent effort is how we rebuild normal after a total sh*t show.

    Rinse, rest, and repeat. That's the daily rhythm. Despite my terrible heat intolerance, I'm thankful for central AC and my garden producing fresh food right now. To every fellow survivor battling this ongoing anxiety, hormone imbalance, and life after treatment... give yourself some grace today. Healing is never a straight line, but we're still here. Stay blessed, my friends.

Rachel

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