It was a strange day to say the least. No one, nurses in the Chemo injection center had that information. They just knew had a treatment.  I ended up telling them because they wanted to know why I was so chipper..  I said. WELL it is most likely my last Treatment. So they all clapped and said, You have to ring the bell, if you want of course. Knowing that there is entirely the possibility of me returning after my CT scan in 2-3 weeks- if it shows I have new tumors.   However, I am going to go on believing that, THAT is it. I am done. No more Chemo. 

When this whole thing started I was very unsure as to if I was going to go through with Chemo. I prevalently believe that GOD will guide in my decisions.  After deliberating with my lord for several days. He eased my heart about doing chemo. I believe it was his will, so I did it. 

The hardest decision to make, the scariest by far, and the Evil imagination that the poison was going to kill me was overwhelming.  I went into this a very very sick person to begin with. I had several other Autoimmune diseases in my body including the Cancer so, yes, I was very terrified.  What will happen to the other problems, will they worsen? I was not looking forward to finding out.

I did it though. and at the end of this post you are going to be amazed. (read tomorrows post for full details)

Anyway: the day started at getting up at 5:30, having already packed my Chemo go back the night before, made up my snacks to take with me since I would be there through lunch. And doing my best to get a good nights sleep (ended up just 5 hours but beggars can't be choosers).  We live 90+ miles away from the Hulston Cancer Center in Springfield Missouri, which I may have mentioned before, so we have to set out 2 hours early in order to get there early with possible Potty stops along the way. I always tried to powerhouse through my electrolytes for hydration before I get there (and the day before) to make sure I can give blood with little issues. These last two injections (chemo) I had to have ultrasound with a deeper needles that looks to be over an inch long. Scary and a little painful, but a necessity to keep from having to have a port put in. I wasn't going through that at all costs. To do it again. I would choose to still not go with a port, had I choice.

So arrived with 30 minutes to spare, having gotten fully hydrated. We were the 3rd person in the office (blood draw first, then up to Oncology dr office, then back down to Blood draw room for chemo treatment). For some reason they were calling in everyone but me. Hubby, bless his heart, gets very impatients and feels "wronged" when others get to go before us. Well, he finally convinced me to go ask. So I did. Turned out they didn't know what the hold up was, we had 3 options: 1. insurance approval hadn't come through yet. 2. Orders from upstairs at the doctors office (for which I was to head to NEXT AFTER getting blood draws). Or 3. unknown.  Turned out they were waiting on the orders from upstairs. We finally got in for blood draw, when the room got emptied, a nurse says :Oh we were waiting on the Ultrasound order get them here for your blood draw.  I said: Well, you can try to do normal blood draw from right arm and they can ultrasound on left arm." She agreed so we finally got the blood draw in. Now we head up to Oncology office for the vist and read of the Blood tests. 

We knew that was going to be a 20 minutes wait anyway because the tests aren't quick. We get up there and the secretary says. We don't have you set for an appointment today. I said, Yes you do because I just hit the "check in" button from the app on my phone. She went back to talk to someone and came back and said. Oh I know the problem, when you check in from the app it sends it to the blue section that you already here and sitting in the waiting room. I didn't see you there. Turns out there is no need to hit "1" that you are here, that totally screws it all up. Not doing that again.

 Okay, another 5 minutes and we are good to go. Luckily, there were only 3 people in the waiting room. We got called first to go in. All the blood test came back pretty freaking good for what my body was being put through. I was at the very low level of "good" so they went ahead with chemo.

We got downstairs for chemo and that went extremely easy and quick. as quick as can be. The ultrasound tech came in after I sat there for 20-30 minutes. Typical because she has to work over in the Hospital part too, that's a 10-15 minute walk to get to oncology. She got the line put in a lot faster this time and it was painless this time too.  Last time was a nightmare (she had to keep pulling nearly out and in again, several times and it was like she was hitting a nerve with each little movement.) anyway, that went smooth. So my lovely nurse (Miss Delayne, whom I had for the very first Chemo injection, very sweet, very upbeat and loves our lord Jesus as we do). Comes in to give me the basic fluid bag while we wait for the new system to put in the order for my pre-meds.  

By now, Travis had left to go get coffee somewhere cause we were out at home) 30 minutes pass and a storm hits (second one in 2 days) once in Our home town yesterday, and today was Springfield's turn.) Travis (Dear hubby) was also going to go to the greenhouse, after coming back to the center to check on me, but, he first got stuck in the hail storm and had to hunker down for a few more minutes. Once the rain and wind slowed down a bit, he came back. Then he had to sit there with me for the rest of the time because the storm ramped back up again for several hours. I got a text from my son who lives on the outskirts of Springfield, showed me pictures of his car. The front windshield, sunroof glass and back glass shield were all destroyed by the hail. Large hail that left odd holes, like it melted the glass before it penetrated. Anyway, that poor kid had to find a way to work. Still waiting to hear on how that played out. 

Just before Hubby got back from getting coffee, they had finally gotten my premeds in me, the allergy medicine (not Benadryl - I am allergic) it immediately makes me tired (these last three sessions it did that, hadn't before) so I tried to nap, dozed off a couple times, not sure how much time passed). Nurse Delayne (love that girl) came in to give me the Chemo (Taxol first for 3 hours drip) I may have that reversed (then Carboplatin for the last 45 minutes) I was a few minutes into that injection, dozed off again and heard foot steps that appeared to be very close. So I looked up (took the hoodie off from around my eyes) and there he was sitting in his chair drinking some of the new coffee he just bought. He is a straight black coffee drinker, I like's my non-dairy creamer and sugar free sweetener. He insisted I taste it. YUK. very bitter. He says "The guy told me after you drink it a bit the bitterness goes away. HMMMM. We shall see. "  

Then at the end of the 3 hr. injection, Nurse comes by to tell me I have an hour and 45 minutes left. Travis has just left again since the sky brightened up and rain was gone, to get some plants. He never made it because I had to call him with just 30 minutes left to tell him to turn around and come back. I am almost done. He got back with 15 minutes to spare. But before he got back, when the nurse told me I had 30 minutes left, I asked her if she would do me the honors of coming with me to ring the bells. She was all excited and said. Is this really your last one? I said, with gods aid, it sure will be.  Watch the video and see.. She and all the staff came down to watch me read the plaque and ring the bell. I had to be wheeled down in a wheelchair since the Taxol exhausted me, I couldn't stand for more than 30 seconds to a minute. It was quick and it was invigorating.  I cried happy tears and had Miss Delayne take a photo with me, then she took a photo of Travis and I for us. 

We never got our plants, too late, they were closed and i was definitely not up to walking around a greenhouse anyway. We stopped off for our traditional post Chemo Famous Cashew chicken at our favorite spot, then off for home we went. All through the meal and the drive home, both Travis and I would randomly cry.  This part if over.  Relieved, concerned, worried about the next 4 weeks until we hear how the CT scan goes. Confident that the ca 125 levels were amazing.

I know I should be celebrating.  I now I should be looking forward to, this time, as I get to feeling better, that it will last longer and longer and I will continue to get better. But, it was bittersweet. I am overjoyed to have a break (hopefully a permanent one) from Chemo treatments. I am hopeful that the next few years of blood tests every 3 months for the first 2-3 years, then blood test every 6 months for the rest of my life. Come back with Low to normal CA-125 test (35 is normal Right now mine are averaging at 7) And I am not sure how often or even if they do anymore CT scans. I assume it only if my Ca-125 number skyrocket again or I feel a lump or get bad results from checkup / tests. ect.  

You have to understand. The stress is not going away, I can learn to manage it an put it away at times to "Live" but it is always there, always looming. What if..  With each new blood test, I know I will be anxious, stressed out and impatient for results to come back before I can sigh relief and then start all over again as the day for new blood tests arrive.

My Cancer is Incurable, the slow killer, Chemo doesn't really work on fully killing these cancer cells. I have a future of always having LGSOC which includes the side effects that growing cancer does to your health, on top of the existing Autoimmune diseases I have to deal with as well. My life might become a teeny bit better, but never GREAT. My New normal will be to manage symptoms, as I have always done. Enjoy the good days how small and tiny they may be, and just get through the bad days, as I have always done. My goal is to keep this new Mindset I have of finding positivity in EVERY day no matter what that day brings Me

What Chemotherapy did for me. Read the next post for some amazingness, but won't be positive it is long lasting, or just temporary until some considerable time passes. I will be keeping you updated on that.